Since my last post there has been a swirl of change in my life both personally and professionally. Not just with me, but for a fair amount of my friends as well. The air around us seems charged- there is a tension. Perhaps this because change, no matter if it is good or bad can be threatening. Interestingly enough just before all of this stuff started to shake down I kept having this persistent thought: I need to get a copy of Paul Simon's album Graceland. When I was 18 or 19 the album was a favorite of mine. Maybe because that was about the time I fell in love with Africa and much of the album was recorded in South Africa and featured many African musicians and groups. It is an amazing album, but I had not listened to it in ten years or more. I initially dismissed it as just an errant thought.
But it just kept coming up. I would walk into a store, and hear the ending strains of one of the songs from the album. In hindsight, it was rather like someone telling me I needed to buy a crutch before I had even broken a leg. I couldn't figure the urgency, but the nagging thought finally wore me down. I found a copy at the used CD place for $3.00. Actually the place was going out of business so it was 25% off of that. It really is amazing how small a price we sometimes pay for some clarity and comfort.
For two months I haven't really listened to anything else. In fact I haven't really gotten past the second song. I liked this song when I was younger, but I certainly didn't grasp its full scope. It is only now, twenty years later that I have finally understood the title song, and it has proved a panacea for me.
Beware I am getting ready to deconstruct this song much like I would a poem for one of my literature classes.
The Mississippi Delta was shining
Like a National guitar
I am following the river
Down the highway
Through the cradle of the Civil War
I'm going to Graceland
Graceland
In Memphis Tennessee
I'm going to Graceland
The song is about a pilgrimage really, and opens with that amazing simile. Of course he is talking about Elvis's Graceland. In the next bit he says , "My traveling companion is 9 years old. He is the child of my first marriage". With just a very few words he has told us much about this guy. He has some baggage. He has had some things fall apart.
But then the song seems to make an abrupt shift. If the melody wasn't so good it might sound disjointed:
She comes back to tell me she's gone
As if I didn't know that
As if I didn't know my own bed
As if I'd never noticed
The way she brushed her hair from her forehead
Ah, there it is: the reason he has taken to the road. Of course, he has lost someone. I love how he is so subtle about it; he just sort of slips it in there. No big production of explanation; in very few words he names his tragedy. He communicates the loss by mentioning one of her absent minded gestures that he probably watched a thousand times, but no longer gets to see. There is such tenderness and heartache in that line.
The next refrain is heart wrenchingly profound:
And she said losing love
Is like a window in your heart
Everybody sees you're blown apart
Everybody sees the wind blow. . .
I have to admit that lately, I have felt like there has been a hurricane ablowin'.
Now when I was younger I could always appreciate the first verse. I too have made my pilgrimage to Graceland dragging my family with me. If you even mention Graceland to my brothers, they still roll their eyes and make strange noises in the backs of their throats. They wanted to kill me that summer. I was the only one who really wanted to go. First rule of pilgrimage should probably be- "Choose your traveling companions wisely." Just read the Canterbury Tales for confirmation on that one. Anyway, one summer we loaded up the family and made our way through the cradle of the Civil War.
Here is the kicker: I didn't want to go because I loved Elvis, I wanted to go because of U2. The year previous U2's documentary, Rattle and Hum had been in theaters. I saw it five times, yes five and paid full price each time. One of my favorite parts of the film is the footage of the band's visit to Graceland- wonderful black and white images of those famous
us gates swinging open and pulling up the sweeping drive. It was the Irish discovering the Heartland of America, visiting one of America's few shrines. Don't ever doubt the power of good cinematography and an amazing soundtrack. This is how my family ended up standing in the Jungle Room.
As convoluted as my reason for pilgrimage, I still understood the notion. It was meaning of the next verse that evaded me. But it should have been so obvious.
There is a girl in New York City
Who calls herself the human trampoline
And sometimes when I'm falling, flying
Or tumbling in turmoil I say
Oh, so this is what she means
She means we're bouncing into Graceland.
Suddenly he is no longer talking Memphis, Tennessee. How did I miss it? I was a English Major after all. What Paul Simon has done in the first part of the song is given us a concrete image to express an emotion or an abstract idea. This whole Graceland thing is symbolic. He even makes the point in the first chorus to sing "I'm going to Graceland - Memphis Tennessee- I'm going to Graceland." In the second verse the Memphis, Tennessee line is omitted. He no longer makes that distinction. The language is not as specific, just "I'm going to Graceland."
Now the song is about a universal journey that we all make a some point. He has gone and gotten esoteric on us. Then he repeats the refrain - "Losing love is like a window in your heart/ everybody sees you're blown apart / everybody feels the wind blow. Heartache sends him to Graceland and to Graceland, if you know what I mean.
And so it goes. For every person there is something different that sends them on a pilgrimage to Graceland. So often is loss that sends us on such a journey. Why does it have to take all the tumbling to lead me, or any of us, to such a place of grace? I don't think there has ever been a time in my life, certainly not in the last 60 days, that I have walked gracefully into grace. For me it is so often about "tumbling in turmoil" until I come to rest disheveled and tear stained in Graceland.
And here is the last of the song-
I'm going to Graceland
For reasons I cannot explain
There's some part of me wants to see
Graceland
And I may be obliged to defend
Every love, every ending
Or maybe there's no obligations now
Maybe I've a reason to believe
We all will be received
In Graceland
Oh I Love what Paul Simon is saying here about grace- that in Graceland there is no call for explanation for all the things we have ruined or just not gotten wrong. Graceland is a "come as you are" sort of place with no need to explain your pathetic state.
It has been a long time since my last post. I have really been too tired to write. Not a- I've worked really hard, or I didn't get much sleep last night- sort of tired, but more of a fatigue that makes your very bones feel heavy. This fatigue is often a sign of a depression, something I have battled long and hard in the past. These last two months the fatigue has begun to worry me, and I had a birthday at the end of June which was more difficult than I thought it would be. There was and is a lot going on in this head of mine. For as forthright as people think that I am there are some things I only talk to God about. And I have been doing a lot of talking in the past two months. I guess you could say I am feeling an awful lot like a human trampoline. As I said, it is not just me, but many of those I love are tumbling in turmoil as well.
One day I hope I find myself in an elevator with Paul Simon, and I get to shake his hand and thank him for his song. During this time, as me and mine go bouncing into Graceland, it has become my lullaby. It soothes my ragged nerves and helps to calm my fears. I am assured that despite the baggage that I carry there is indeed grace for me. Always going back to that last line- "there is reason to believe that we all will be received in Graceland"- even if we come bouncing in.
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