All I really want to do today is hide behind my sunnies, which, for those of you who don't know, are my sunglasses. Sunnies is a term I wish I had coined because I do love my sunglasses, but alas I got it from a Bravo reality show. My sunglasses are my grown up security blanket; they are my shelter as well as my shade. And they help me look fabulous even when I don't feel fabulous. I 've been told that my sunglasses are somewhat bold and aggressive. Someone told me that this summer, and I was secretly pleased that my sunglasses work, in some manner, as a "Do Not Disturb" sign! When it comes to my sunnies, I say the bigger the better- all the better to hide, my dear. And this week I feel like hiding, so I have on my really bold and aggressive large Versace sunnies.
I guess the good news is I actually know why I want to hide rather than it being the usual vague sort of existential dread I suffer from time to time. On Monday my friend Jonathan took a brave step to create a new life in New York City. I am incredibly proud of him for taking the leap, but I will miss him.
The funny thing about Jonathan is in the beginning I never thought I would feel this way about him. We knew each other peripherally when we were 15. He was all izods with turned up collars and pegged pants, and I was black trench coat and black eyeliner. We didn't care for the look of the other and stayed away. But I am grateful that we met each other again on the" long journey back to middle. " To borrow one of my favorite lines from the movie Almost Famous.
And the second time was the charm.
Jonathan came into my life when I very much needed to be reminded that there is grace for the mistakes we make and that our past poor choices do not have to define us. He helped build hope and faith in my life. We found out after all these years that we are more alike than not. Surprise, surprise.
There are many things I love and appreciate about Jonathan. The number one might be that I have never, ever intimidated or overwhelmed Jonathan. He has always appreciated my intelligence and celebrated it, and he gives me a run for my money, which I love. (So part of the reason I want to hid behind my sunnies today is because I have been left alone here in the intellectual wasteland of South Florida. ) He appreciates the simple pleasure of reading aloud and has read one of our favorite authors aloud to me- what a treasure. He has also been know to call me just to talk about Flannery O'Connor, another of our favorite authors, which no one but him ever does. He doesn't suffer fools gladly, which is a trait that I share, but he is a soldier in the good fight and longs to see justice and righteousness come to this world. He is passionate and vocal about the change he wants to see, and he puts hands and feet to his prayers. This provokes me not to live in a place of cynicism because then I don't fully engage with the world around me. If I have wrapped myself in a shroud of cynicism how can I throw my arms around the world? He also gets in my face and lets me know when I am selling myself short or not trying hard enough. There are times that I don't take it very well, and get a little sullen but we always manage to find the middle ground.
There is another amazing line in Almost Famous that Philip Seymour Hoffman delivers : "The only true currency in this bankrupt world... is what you share with someone else when you're uncool." This is what I love the most about my relationship with Jonathan - we trade in true currency. He knows all there is to know about me and and he loves me anyway.
When it came time to say goodbye to him on Sunday night, I couldn't believe how hard it was. I know, I know, its just New York, but I won't get to meet him for a quick lunch in the middle of the week or see him every Sunday. I realized on Sunday night how much I had taken for granted.
I sent him a text with a Goethe quote the morning he was leaving town, "go forth boldly and mighty forces will come to your aid."(Oddly enough that quote is in Almost Famous as well.) That is my prayer for him. I support and applaud the new chapter in his life, but I will miss him terribly as I did today when I went to lunch by myself. So for now I'm hiding behind my sunnies.
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